Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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