just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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