this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
