Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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