I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
