It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
