my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
