If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
