Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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