She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
