There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
