I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
