Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
