and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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