you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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