There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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