I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
