If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
