In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
