The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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