You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
