Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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