Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
