mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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