Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
