Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
