Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wear drunk well.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
