Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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