It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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