Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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