you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
