she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
