i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
