I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
