I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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