We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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