How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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