can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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