I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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