Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
