Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
