im about as happy as oj after his trial
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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