I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
