I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
