Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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