We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
