There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can't motorboat a personality
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
