Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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