Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
