ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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