DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
