Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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