You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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